Goblin Stories

We’re putting together a recording of Selected Selected Tweets by Mira Gonzalez and Tao Lin, which will be narrated by Brad Listi and Natasha Lipson. We decided it would be fun to select some of our own and record them in honor of, etc. The following selection was made by Kris Hartrum from the account of @storygoblin, who then narrated the piece in our studio. 


i asked a boy i like if he wanted to share a bottle of wine

because i’m bored


he told me to buy a video game.


well-salted monk, rudely filched from cave,

straddling life and death.

seeking arrangement.

the salty dog café


I typed out “i am going to scream” then deleted it

and actually screamed in my pillow.


come back to bed

put the dead flowers in the paper towel roll

in the chick fil a cup

and light it on fucking fire


diarrhea interrupts sapphic love

i’m alone in my house and i just whispered “you’re wrong”




my sister told me she isn’t growing armpit hair yet

and i told her to hurry

before it goes out of style


my sweet assboy

in 1 hour i will allow myself 2 text “sup”


so she moved her furniture out without anyone noticing

and all she left was a mirror.


that’s exactly what a ghost would do


I sat in my car in the rain and fucking glared into the distance while “sweet escape” played


trying to masturbate while really dehydrated

and there is a chihuahua

attempting to break down my door.


I’m so tall my feet are so huge

my emotions are so shocking

i wish being mentally ill felt more like pokémon go


the first bisexual person i was ever aware of was tila tequila


i’ve never had a wine cooler or a calzone

but i ate ass for a few minutes once


grooveshark wayfarers


gonna go experience ego death wherever they filmed the twilight movie

blow on my clit like a gameboy cartridge


my early 20s are defined by “growing a mustache in the dark”

can’t wait to shit my pants and throw up at the ywca

it is a power move

to own very expensive pajamas,

and to be seen in them


scorched earth crushing

just chugged a bottle of water in my car and said aloud in a monotone “i want to cum”


new rumor i’m perpetuating about myself is that i am a black belt in karate,

a virgin,

and i’m “easy going”

too bad i used so much of my sweet almond oil on a gross boy’s penis


i got in a float tank and pretty much just had

intrusive thoughts about judd apatow


I’m all about kissing. supersize me


my great uncle was zelda fitzgerald’s nurse and

he used to fly with her to see scott

depressively shoving matcha pocky

into my mouth on the highway

i have chocolate milk splattered on my rear view mirror


when i was four

my mrs potato head toy had a gold earring and

i would make my dad wear it


or he would offer to do it

To wear the earring


i measure my depression

by whether or not i am able to get out of a bathtub when

the water becomes cold.


thought “morph into comfortable irrelevance” while sorting dinner knives
mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy


Mary Moore's work has appeared in Metatron, Spy Kids Review, & Bottlecap Press. She tweets @storygoblin. Kris Hartrum lives and works in Asheville, NC. His stories have appeared in places like Entropy Magazine, TYO MAG, Fondle Magazine and Elke Journal. He is the Senior Editor of Talking Book and you can find him on Twitter.